The toughest acts are often times the softest at heart. Mixing pain with pride is like lighter fluid - the man with the most is the quickest to spark. Quick to react, quick to anger, and even lash out, not because he's crazy, but emotional. When he feels strongly about being right, and thinks you've done him wrong, things become non-negotiable. Understand, anger in many cases pertaining to man, is nothing more than prideful depression. An unfilled void, a need for love, yet too much testosterone to cry out for that need with humility and sincere expression. When things don't go his way, when people don't respond the way he expects them to - he's too much of a man to ask for an understanding, or to express in a humble manor his hurt, concern or fear. And everything you say slowly becomes everything he doesn't want to hear. He's kicking into another gear, where that pain meets the pride, and channels all of his disappointments, and fear through the intensity of his eyes. The tone of his voice, and language of his body shout
"don't play with me"
but beyond the surface, his soul cries. The anger, the hatred, all a cry for help, a need for love in disguise. Why? Because at the end of the day, he gets validation when he hears the people say
"that dude right there is not to be messed with, he don't play."
He'd feel like a sukka the day he walked away, and the last thing he wants is for others to think of him and feel the same way.
Reality dying to feed us all one big lesson. That many people's reality is nothing more than perception. A day and age where we die over nothing because we're dying to be accepted. Although no one will really confess it. What defines the man? His spirit or his possessions? With all that he's gained, what need is there to be angry? The answer is simple. Not even possessions can cure depression. Not every man is a killer because he shows signs of aggression. Not every man with a gun will pull the trigger, many just want to make an impression. No man wants his manhood to be in question. However, the question is - who you trying to please? God or man? Because see, someone in the streets does you wrong, and you walk away - they may think you're weak, but God understands. He understands that you understand. All He's trying to teach you is that children act out, but you're supposed to be a man. People are supposed to try you, that's all part of the devils plan. The way you react lets the world know who you're validated by, God or man.
See, as a man, I understand. For so long, so many people have done you so wrong. Even those you attempt to feed, turn around and bite your hand. The women who pretend its you they need, want nothing more than to enjoy the fruits of your labor, deceived in their own beliefs that what you possess is what makes you the better man. The friend who's only a friend when you give, but never around when you need. So no matter how much you gain, you feel like someone's trying to take, and what started as a dream turns to greed. You just wanted to do your thing and stack a little cheese. Now you can never have enough, because someone else always has more. Becoming more prideful in that which you have, the more you realize you're becoming the man all the women are checking for. We all know, wherever the women are, you're sure to find other men. See, other men are checking for those women who are now checking for you, and this is where the hate begins.
Like you, there are many other men who channel their pains. Like you, they need more than one woman and bunch of materialistic gains. This is what keeps you sane. It pacifies the ego. It's a good feeling to have one of the prettiest chicks passenger side your nice ride, saying to herself
"this dude is THAT dude wherever he goes."
It's no longer real to just be ordinary people. You gotta do it big, you gotta do it for the people. Oh yeah, I forgot, you gotta do it for your family. But reality is, when I had a bottle in my hand, a stack in my pocket, and chick by my side, the last thing I was thinking about was my FAMILY. I just wanted the world to understand me, the ladies to love me, and the men to never attempt to underhand me.
But of coarse things don't always work out the way you plan. So when her loves fails and he tries to cheat you, you become angry,and no one understands. No one understands she was only down because you appeared to be coming up. No one understands he was only down to get to down with the females you were down with, other than that, he really wanted to set you up. No one understands that you've been down this road before. But what you have to understand is this road doesn't end till death, unless you decide you want more. What you must understand is, God knows your pain. What you must understand is, that if you trust Him, He'll place people around you who regardless of what you have or don't have, will love you the same. What you must understand is the man that has grown out of being tough has no reason to be ashamed. See, the man who finds love is the man who attempts to provide the world with the opportunity to do the same. You don't want to be angry, you don't want people to think you're crazy, you just want the the things they do, and the way they respond to you to change. But for others to change around you, or towards you, they must first see that you've done the same. Don't be influenced, be the influence - those are the rules to the game. It's not about people fearing your face, it's about people respecting your name. Anger and hatred don't earn respect, it earns more of the same. Never fear you desire to love and be loved - Love is the only cure for pain.
I wouldn't tell you this, had I not experienced some of the same. Staying high to balance out my lo's, while sending brown liquor shots into my vein. When the bloodstream gets worm, the worries seem to fade, but when I became sober, the problems would always remain. I became drained. Consumed with the thought of chasing fame, when really I needed love, but chased the spotlight because the people LOVE fame. This was my claim and my lane. What's yours? Whatever it is, don't let anger substitute the real cure.
Love God, and learn to love yourself. There are others who want to learn as well. Waiting to love you for being the example on how to love, but you must first learn to do that which you'll one day tell. The world knows you're a man, don't spit fire when you want to shed tears. Don't become a baby, but don't let the thought of being less than a man become your fear. Tough never lasts.
The power is in the love. Love harder.
-Jermaine G.
#GentlemanTheory
